Tending Your Garden of People

The other day I had a major falling out with my boss at work. After the anger had subsided, I realized more than anything that I was truly disappointed in him. I started to process these feelings and it became very clear to me when I started to compare these feelings with how I feel about one of my loves, gardening!

The people at work are like the plants in a garden. The need to be cared for in general, but also in unique ways. Like a garden, the office needs to be tended, with everyone shown respect and kindness...rewarded for doing a great job. Each person, like each plant, needs to be nurtured, given the tools and knowledge to grow, to blossom, to thrive, to continue on for many many years.

My boss is a motivation speaker, specializing in conflict resolution and employee relations...he is out tending other people's gardens while neglecting his own...some of the plants have turned into noxious and unruly weeds, some have died and been removed, and others are struggling to survive, dying on the vine, failing to bloom or even grow.

It might be that he has poisoned the soil so much that if I am to survive, I will have to take up my roots and move on to a healthier, well-tended garden...even if he puts some fertilizer on now, it is probably too late and only a temporary measure, because in his heart, he is not really a gardener like he thinks he is...

Maybe his strong suit is to tell others how to garden...sad, but it happens all the time...others will be amazed at how beautiful and strong their gardens get while his withers away, to be blown to dust and emptiness soon.

Streetsboro, Ohio

This weekend I drove to Streetsboro, Ohio to meet up with my sister. She was driving halfway from her home with our mother, so that I could take her back home after a 10 day visit.

I have traveled all over the world and yet, it is in the USA that I am the most afraid and apprehensive when I travel....especially to smaller towns and cities...I fear that even though we think that prejudice and small mindness is on the down swing, You Tube videos made by young people still show bigotry and hatred against non-white people. Being Asian used to mean that you could sort of blend in and just mind your own business, but now, with the advent of the tsunami and radiation problems in Japan, we are on the forefront of people's awareness.

So, when I went to Streetsboro, I was sort of expecting some stares and comments, some from curiosity, and some from just plain meanness...boy, was I pleasantly surprised! First of all, everyone we met was kind and warm...friendly and helpful! At restaurants, there were tables of people that had mixed raced children--grandparents and grandchildren in all colors...there was laughter and hugs...lots of love and happiness.

Today, I just wanted to thank the people of this midwestern little town for renewing my belief that most people are good in their hearts...they accept that the world is changing and that all people want the same things and we have to be here for each other...

Streetsboro, Ohio---you rock!

Weight Loss Progress Report

It has been 10 months and I have lost nearly 50 pounds...I am amazed at the amount of energy I have and how great I feel...don't get me wrong, I still hate excercising and dieting...I hate it so much, but I do it because this is what it takes to lose weight and right now, that is what my whole being is dedicated to...

My personal trainer, Tom, is just so awesome. He totally threw me off because I guess I was expecting some dull meathead that was only into his body, etc. Instead, Tom is educated, witty, enthusiastic, caring and really understands the psychology of losing weight...he has been there and done that and still has to watch his diet and exercise...he has taught me the lifestyle of being healthy...what was going to be a few days of training has become three days a week for 10 months now...I am so determined that Tom has become my car payment each month...there is nothing I would rather spend my money for right now (well, maybe new workout clothes!)...

Man, I feel powerful and strong and like I have accomplished a lot for my age...my only regret is that I wish I had started earlier...I feel like I have so much to make up...I feel like I missed out on so much...like wearing a bikini...silly, but I want to wear a bikini even if it is in the privacy of my own home...no one wants to see an old lady wear a bikini...I want to do physical stuff that my poor body just can't do...not without risk of pain and injury...*sigh*...

But, I think about the future and the fact that I hope to remain active and healthy for a very long time...I know the youngsters don't want to hear it, but, I want to have fun with sex and keep enjoying my husband's flirting and advances! Sure doesn't hurt that I am also getting glances from other men...well, 30 pounds to go...I am already a changed person...I like me and when I read my post from September, it brings me some pain yet mostly joy...I have changed my life for the better and I am proud...I look forward to an update in the summer

101 Things in 1001 Days

1. visit my father's grave
2. make flattering sexy lingerie to fit my body
3. visit Australia
4. learn to ride a bike
5. read at least two books a month and then donate them
6. change a baby's diaper
7. make an heirloom quilt for any friend or family member who wants one
8. do something with my handkerchief collection
9. make something out of kimono fabric each month
10. visit Matthew in Seattle
11. go to Longwood Gardens
12. eat pancakes in Vermont in the fall
13. join the Susquehanna sculling club
14. plant cucumbers to make pickles
15. re-read the Illiad and the Odessy
16. make myself a killer practical gym bag
17. file my back tax returns
18. learn more about how to save energy in my house--go to HGTV Carter Can to learn
19. bake high fiber bread monthly
20. write down Mom's stories
21. make memory scrapbooks for the nephews about their Grandma and Grandpa Ebersole
22. take salsa lessons
23. watch Dad's National Geographic videos --one a month
24. knit a pair of socks
25. crochet an item of clothing
26. participate in the senior olympics--maybe in the weightlifting event!
27. clean garage
28. take dad's slides to turn them into a CD
29. wear a backless dress in public
30. sign up for the West Hanover fall arts and crafts festival
31. four paintings
32. take my vitamins
33. get a small tattoo
34. buy and use a circut
35. grow bamboo
36. learn how to do tile mosaic
37. learn embroidery and make one dang thing!
38. streamline my warddrobe to simple basics
39. go to Hershey Park at least once this summer
40. find the perfect jeans for my new smaller ass
41. learn to do wood block or linoleum block carving--I already have tools, ha ha
42. do a monthly craft-along--make the quilt block or bag
43. find a way to honor the memory of all of my pets
44. teach my nephew and heir about estate management and taxes
45. make myself a wrap dress
46. make something in plaid that I will actually like and wear or use
47. make myself an apron (holy cow, I have made 40 for other people!)
48. learn to use the chainsaw to cut up the dead trees for firewood
49. make a haven for deer and other wildlife somewhere on the property
50. visit MOBE alpacas farm with Crystal
51. go on a girls only trip
52. organize my crafting pics into some sort of permanent journal/CD
53. learn to write something in basic kanji
54. make half of all craft projects recycled or reconstructed items
55. learn to make an altered book
56. download music into my mp3 player instead of just listening to FM radio
57. find homes for my old record albums
58. -100. in progress

Weight Loss Journey

Four months have gone by and yet I feel like time has been set back 20 years...I attribute this to my loss of 32 pounds...it seems a bit shallow and narcissistic to worry about losing weight at my age, and I tell myself that it was for my health, but damn it, I know that the real reason was because I still wanted to look good...

There is nothing that ages you more, physically and emotionally, then getting fat...of course, I did not know this when I was fat, because it was easier to make excuses for not paying attention...for a while, I got really comfortable being invisible...I find it quite ironic that the bigger I got, the less visible I was...I become almost a non-person...no one cared what I wore, if my hair was washed, or even if I talked under my breath...there was something comforting in "disappearing"...I somehow rationalized that by not spending time exercising or planning meals, I would have more time to do other things...yet I didn't feel like doing anything because I had no energy and I know I was really depressed...I was a blob and I became blob-like in many many ways.

What happened to make me want to change? Nothing really...unless you count my husband of 30 years telling me that he was no longer attracted to me...after I accused him of being a jerk, and telling him that he had no idea what love was if he could not accept me like I was, I spent many days and nights convincing myself that I was better off without him and that I did not want to stay with him if my appearance meant that much to him...yeah, I wanted a divorce...a divorce from him, and the only life I knew...I was miserable and I thought it was him...

Huh! My brain must have been clogged with fat...I calmed down and we got into the nitty gritty of our relationship...he explained to me that it was not my appearance per se, but that I was a different person...I had no spark, no interest in so many things, I hated how I let myself go...his argument was not the weight but my attitude towards my body and hence, everything else in my life...it was like someone had told me I was a drug addict and I was denying it left and right...

I was tired of analyzing and figuring out "why's"...you know the old Nike saying "Just Do IT!" That became my mantra. Who cares why I got fat, I just wanted to lose weight...no more excuses, no more denial, no more beating myself up by saying that I was not a good person for wanting to be thin...

I was driving back from the fabric store on night and, no kidding, I passed by the fitness center near my home...actually, it looked more like a lighthouse beacon, with the light pouring out from the two story tower of the reception area...it was a sign, right? I went home and called and had an appointment with a personal trainer the next day...

SWAP INFO

This is for the benefit of my swap partners. I prefer that each partner "do his/her thing". I love anything handmade because it is such a personal committment. You are giving me a piece of your creative self, and that is the best gift of all! But, reality being what it is, many people work very hard to make things very personalized because they REALLY want their partner to like what they receive...so with this in mind, here is the poop on me...

Personal Type Info

Married, no kids, three cats, one large, mean dog--live in the country after many years in a huge metroplitan city; hubby is a working musician and recording artist, I am an accountant and a computer software geek. I am way old but I don't know it yet ( so please don't tell me!) I am of Japanese/American heritage so I have the best and worst of those two cultures (think detail-oriented workaholic with a rebellious attitude!) My craft room looks like a war zone--I am not at all neat so whatever I am working on is all over the place--don't touch it, though, cos I know where EVERYTHING is (especially the coffee--yes, there is a coffee brewer in my room...)

What I Like to Craft

I love to sew the best. My past includes custom clothing and home decor. My current addictions are purses, fabric belts, pouches, totes, stuffies, etc. etc. I can crochet and knit but only very basic...believe it or not, I can also macrame, so I like making hemp jewelry.

What I Can't Do or Do Not So Good

I cannot paint. I suck at bending wire so most jewelry is out...I am not that great with paper type crafts beyond basic scrapbooking...I really am not that original so I love weird and funky stuff (BRITS ROCK in this area for sure!).

What I Collect

I love cats and most animals. I love bugs and spiders of all sorts. I adore miniature works of art--detailed and exquisite. I totally respect knitters, weavers, painters, crocheters, dollmakers, and --wow--everyone!

Colors & Patterns

I don't particularly like pastels, especially pink. I do like fuschia and hot pink. I am not wild about yellow but for some reason, I have tons of this color in fabrics...I like anything black but my favorite color is red. I look like freaking santa on some days cos I wear so much red! Earthtones are always good as they remind me of my hippie days (oops--revealing my age!). Blues are good--I am a certified scuba diver so anything the color of the seas is ok by me! Oh--I hate grey and gray. I also like paisley, graphic patterns, and some florals. I do not like Nascar or Disney anything. I am not a cutesy type of person--I make stuffies but I do not own them.

Stuff I Want

I have tried to make a wist list but it feels so greedy and confining to me.
I love personalized notecards and stationery, hats, headbands, scarves, hairpins and do-dads (I have long black/blonde hair). I like funky jewelry. Weird art will always have a place in my house even if I have to take down the Elvis velvet painting...

Personal Swaps

Probably the only stuff I would do for a personal swap is sew something unique. I would work with a clothing designer to realize his/her fashion vision, for instance. I am good at figuring things out and I can put in zippers in my sleep...

Other

I like to rollerblade and kickbox. I love to go to flea markets and craft fairs. I do not cook but I do garden. My favorite food is cajun, which my hubby happens to cook. I love my friends and would literally donate a kidney if they needed one--they are great! My family is slightly dysfunctional, but in the normal range. Dang, if I give out more info, The National Enquirer is going to have enough info for an article...ENOUGH--pm me if you need more...ha ha